domingo, 13 de dezembro de 2009

Como perder uma mulher numa noite




Como perder uma mulher numa noite


1. Comece com cantadas prontas e cafonas tipo "você vem sempre aqui?" ou "você tem namorado?" E depois da negativa: "posso me candidatar?"... (se não levar o fora nessa hora, continue...)

2. Use roupas de andar em casa... bem surradas e descombinadas! Vale usar camisa manchada, ao avesso... Esquecer de pentear o cabelo ou de usar um perfuminho... Ah! Unha suja também... ou grande... Qualquer coisa que sua mãe desaprove!

3. Se estiverem em algum lugar claro (como um shopping por exemplo), levem-na para um lugar mais afastado, onde não muitas pessoas passem e tal. Alegue que quer privacidade, mas na verdade, ela sabe que você ou está com vergonha dela (se ela for um canhão) ou está querendo pegar outras meninas naquele mesmo lugar e não quer queimar seu filme. Mulheres sabem tudo... só fingem que não sabem pra não deixarem os homens sem graça.

4. Invente um lugar para levá-la (um parque, cemitério, praia, o que a criatividade permitir)... um lugar que tenha sua casa no caminho. Leve-a para lá no primeiro encontro!

5. Chegue deixando claro que você é um animal em busca de sexo: exagere nos amassos, mão naquilo, aquilo na mão, tire as peças de roupa que atrapalham, faça com que ela see sinta um objeto sexual praticamente...

Língua no ouvido! Tá certo que alguém no mundo deve gostar, mas exige um nível de intimidade, né?! E higiene também! Aqueles barulhos nojentos... eca!

6. Ela vai tentar conversar com você. Aproveite para contar a ela todas as suas atrocidades sexuais e não esqueça de contar aquilo que você só conta para seus amigos homens, sabe?! Quantas você já pegou e coisas to tipo... Exagere! Números de 3 dígitos pelo menos.

7. Se forem sair para algum lugar que seja pago (cinema, boate e afins), não pague o dela e finja que não há nada de errado com isso.

8. Dê um jeito de dispensar ela... tipo "acho que o último ônibus para a sua casa deve estar passando agora. Você vai perdê-lo..." ou lembre de um compromisso com outra menina.

9. Para fazer um clima, escolha uma música bem romântica tipo: "catuca, catuca, catuca lá no fundo! No fundo, no fundo, no fundo do buraco!" (isso é funk)

10. Fale das gordurinhas em excesso dela mesmo que ela não as tenha. Mulheres são encanadas com isso. Fale mal do cabelo também!

11. Ligue a cobrar pro celular dela ou "dê um toque". Ninguém merece isso!

12. Não companhe ela até em casa!

14 comentários:

Iseedeadpeople disse...

heheheheh muito bom!

Tem uma cantada tosca e altamente broxante q se esqueceram:

"Hmmm, que tal irmos para um lugar mais seguro e tranquilo ?"

Outra coisa terrível: qdo o cara fala no celular de 5 em 5 minutos.


E lembrei de um paquerinha qdo eu tinha 16 anos: me convidou p jantar, passou em casa p me buscar no Fusquinha dele,todo arrumadinho, e me levou para jantar. Só que numa barraca de hot-dog. Nunca mais quis ver a figura hahahaha =)

Mel disse...

Nossa,fiquei com nojo imaginando esses tipos ecaaaaa!!Tenho pavor de lembrar de homens que fizeram coisas parecidas dessas comigo,eu ja tive experiencia com um lambedor de orelhas,o pega tudo,oque nao pagou a minha parte,oque dava toques no meu celular ou ligava a cobrar exatemente assim,como eu pude?????gentemmmmmm,odeio muito todos esses e joguei praga AnaMaria Braga pra pegar sifilis tao forte ate o pipi cair.

Iseedeadpeople disse...

kakakakakak, pois é, Mel, por isso q arrumamos gringos. Brasileiro tá POR FORA !!!! ;)

Barbie Girl disse...

Bom dia,
Estou participando de um projeto de generosidade, criado pela Kátia do Colcha e hoje dei início a postagem sobre o tema, veja se ficou legal e participe também!!

http://cantinhodabarbiegirl.blogspot.com/2009/12/feliz-olhar-novo-projeto-generosidade.html

beijos e uma bela semana!

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Здравствуйте!



Я Александр, мне 26 лет. Проживаю в городе Владивосток.

Я инвалид 2 группы. У меня бронхоэктатическая болезнь, вот уже 12 лет.



Мой полный диагноз звучит так: хронический деформирующий бронхит с множественными распространёнными смешанными бронхоэктазами во всех долях обоих лёгких, эмфизема лёгких.



Болезнь, слава Богу, не особенно распространённая, тем более с такой степенью поражения. Потому и найти «родственников» оказалось делом не простым. Но я продолжаю приглашать к общению и обмену опытом людей, страдающих таким же недугом, как у меня.

Естественно, буду рад любым откликам от всех, кому есть чего мне сказать.



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